


Nothing at all.

by KilluaZoldick



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:54:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27461536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KilluaZoldick/pseuds/KilluaZoldick
Summary: Killua can’t help the urge to feel something. Gon is there to help with the aftermath.TW: self harm
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 6
Kudos: 71





	Nothing at all.

The lump in his throat grew bigger as the seconds ticked to minutes on the clock. 3:17am. He didn’t feel tired, aside from the headache that was more likely than not from lack of sleep. 

The room was painfully quiet. He could hear his own heart beat unevenly in his chest. His neck hurt from the uncomfortable way the pillow lifted his head. Breathing felt almost unbearable, as if he was constantly on the verge of choking. His clothes stuck to the sweat covering his body, making it feel like a second skin.

Part of him felt almost like it was being pressed into the mattress, another felt as if it was floating. It all made him feel empty, like nothing at all. Like thin air that nobody paid a thought to. Well, that did sum it up pretty well. In this world, he really was nothing but thin air. If he died, he wouldn’t be missed nor remembered. 

His eyes felt dry, and not a single tear dared to form. He didn’t even know what he felt, he just felt nothing and everything at the same time. Pain, sadness, emptiness, anger almost, it was pretty hot in the room too. 

He sat up, hugging his knees for a short second. Sitting up just made his back hurt even more though. 

Scanning the room, he noticed a scissor laying about on his desk. It was so tempting, the thought of slicing his skin with the most likely dull blade. Would Gon notice if he did? Would he even care? 

Getting off the bed and grabbing the scissor, then sitting back down again. 

He opened the scissor and held onto on of the blade, along with the handle. Then he lifted it and quickly rammed it down onto his arm. The pain didn’t last long, so he did it again. It hardly even cut his skin, not enough for blood to fall anyway.

He needed something sharper, a knife? No, a razor blade would do the job. And he knew exactly where to find one.

He got up once again. Feeling the slight sting from the two now red lines on his arm. He put the scissor back down and went to the bathroom. Once he got what he needed, he walked back.

He held the spare razor blade in hand. Holding it between two fingers before slicing his arm slowly. It successfully cut open his pale skin and blood already began leaping out. It felt so good. The pain made him feel, it made the lump in his throat disappear. The blade dragged over his skin, slicing line after line. The blood started to drip down and onto the sheets. 

Again and again he dragged the razor over his arm and watched as the blood dripped. His bed began to look like a crime scene and his arm the victim. Wincing and gritting his teeth at the pain. 

He had stayed clean for a while now. His old wounds had finally healed. God, now that he came to his senses, this was really fucking stupid. Crying was no longer a problem. The tears steamed down his cheeks and onto the bloody sheets. 

He had promised Gon never to do it again. Would Gon get mad if he found out? He should probably go apologize. Gon was sleeping in the room on the other side of the hall. 

Geez, guilt filled him and ate at his sanity. He needed help. It was all too overwhelming.

...

He quietly opened the door to Gon’s room, sneaking inside. 

“Gon” he whispered as he looked down at the boy, who was sleeping so peacefully.

“Gon” he tried again, this time a bit louder. 

Not wanting to get blood on the bed, he chose to stand still.

“Gon” he spoke once again, however this time said boy actually reacted.

“Ki-Killua?.. what’s wrong?” Gon sat up on his elbows, and then finally got a look at Killua’s ham cut arms. “Killua! Holy s-“ he got up and quickly hugged Killua, who no longer could hold his tears back. He sobbed loudly into Gon’s shoulder, soaking up his t-shirt. 

“Come on, let’s go clean this up” Gon held Killua’s hand all the way to the bathroom.

“Here, hold still” Gon said as he held Killua’s arms out over the bathtub. He turned on the water and held his hand under it until it warmed up. He spoke sweet nothings into Killua’s ear as he rinsed his arms. Both were covered in cuts all the way from his elbow to the start of his hand.

“What happened?” Gon finally asked as he wrapped Killua’s arms in bandages. 

“I... don’t know” Killua answered honestly. Because for a fact, he had nothing on mind while doing it. Absolutely nothing.

“Wanna sleep in my room tonight?” Gon asked softly, holding Killua’s hands in his own. Killua simply nodded. Gon knew exactly what to do to cheer him up.

And so they returned to Gon’s room. In that moment Killua felt happy. He didn’t know what he would have been without Gon.

**Author's Note:**

> Anyway-
> 
> This is really just quickly written, and I know I say he/him at lot, but I’m not very creative and my mind is brrrr.


End file.
